Christmas Thoughts 2013

Christmas is bitter sweet for me.  It was sweet while my children were young, but now that I'm the main bread winner in the family (and have been for the past 8 years..and have been my entire married life I just didn't know that) Christmas is a source of stress. I can't make ends meet each month, then throw a very expensive holiday in the picture and it is unbelievably stressful.  Lose sleep kind of stressful.  Pit in the stomach since october kind of stressful.  It seems the entire world has my problem, but no one else seems to dislike the holiday like I do.

The thing is, is that I LOVE to shop.  Especially for my family, the people that I love the most.  I love that stores are open late and there are super fun things to do.  But during all of that, I'm worried about how much it will cost.  Will my choices be good enough?  Will my family finally realize that we are poor?  I don't want them to feel like they are deprived or less desired because we have or they receive soo little.  all during church we are taught to remember the reason for the season.  That is a great idea. Even if we remember Jesus Christ Birth, I still have the money problem with the gift buying overshadowing that fabulous event.

However the Lord seems to remember me in my poverty and pain and crustiness.  This week, our RS president called me and said she had an anonymous donation for me.  .  She brought over two gift cards.  $100 to Target and $50 to Walmart.  Wow.  She said that I work so hard.  It is true that I do work hard but I don't deserve that!  I was totally caught off guard.  I'm not popular or belong to the clique or even the bunko group.  I feel like I go unnoticed all the time.  Soo kind for them to remember me!  It does relieve some of the stress and worry!  Which really, is when the spirit of Christ can enter you heart.

I have started an article to send into the Ensign about Christmas but I Have misplaced it.  I think I will begin again.  I'll write more later about what I wanted to send into the Ensign.